Friday, January 06, 2006

~~**~~NUTBAGS OF THE YEAR: 2005!~~**~~



Yes, ZPT fans, it's that time of year again...time for us to look back with shock and shame at the nuttiest of the nutbags for the year 2005 (to read 2004's list, click here.)


How does one qualify for Nutbag status? It must be an individual (not a group or organization, although many Nutbags belong to questionable groups or organizations) who defies such human traits as sympathy, empathy, logic, intelligence and common sense. Nutbags are often heinous persons with no care whatsoever for the harm they wreck upon themselves, innocent victims and society at large. We all know Nutbags in our day-to-day lives...these Nutbags "distinguish" themselves by becoming famous or semi-famous for their horrendous (or just plain stupid) activities.


And now...on to the list!





~*~NUTBAGS OF THE YEAR: 2005~*~





NUTBAG FATHER OF THE YEAR:
Harley Quint Young


A former Garfield County man, Harley Quint Young, sentenced to prison for 30 years for beating his four-and-a-half-month-old daughter to death after reportedly coming home from work in "a bad mood" is upset that he was given jail time.

According to deputy district attorney Gretchen Larson, Young told her, "We're one of the better American families. We don't beat our kids and we don't do drugs in front of them." He also stated that the whole thing "sucks."



NUTBAG MOTHER OF THE YEAR:
Lakeisha Adams


Adams allegedly placed her 3-month-old son in a clothes dryer...and turned it on. The infant, who did not survive, suffered third-degree burns and blunt force trauma to the head.



THE MARY KAY LETOURNEA NUTBAG TEACHER OF THE YEAR AWARD:
Lindsay Renee Allen


A teacher's assistant at Wicomico Middle School, Lindsay Renee Allen, has been charged with 96 counts of sexual assualt, child abuse and perversion and stands accused of having sex with six male students between the ages of 12 and 16 over a period of more than eight months, according to Wicomico County law enforcement officials.

Most of the sexual encounters allegedly occurred at Allen's home, where the special education aide resides with her 2-year-old daughter and a roommate.



NUTBAG CHEATER OF THE YEAR:
Wayne Brightly


Bronx teacher Brightly allegedly paid one Rubin Leitner, who is developmentally disabled, $2 to take his state certification exam, which he needed to pass or risk losing his $59k-per-year job. Brightly had flunked the test repeatedly. In fact, that's how he got caught: the illegal stand-in (who looks nothing like teacher Wayne Brightly) not only passed the high-stakes test, he scored so much better than the teacher had previously that the state knew something was wrong.



CELEBRITY NUTBAG CHEATER OF THE YEAR:
Jude Law


For shame, Jude. For shame.



NUTBAG LAWYER OF THE YEAR:
Richard Phillips


British media reported with glee the tale of Richard Phillips, who e-mailed the secretary to ask her to pay a four-pound ($7.30) dry-cleaning bill after she accidentally spilled tomato ketchup on his trousers, oblivious of the fact that the secretary was not able to answer the email...as she was attending her mother's funeral.



NUTBAG COACH OF THE YEAR:
Mark R. Downs Jr.


The T-ball coach allegedly paid one of his players $25 to hit an 8-year-old mentally disabled teammate in the head with a baseball so he wouldn't have to put the boy in the game.

"The coach was very competitive," state police Trooper Thomas B. Broadwater said. "He wanted to win."



NUTBAG PARENTS OF THE YEAR:
Ronnie Paris Sr. & Nysheerah Paris


These Tampa-area nutbags are truly deserving of this award. The father is accused of abusing thier 3-year-old child, Ronnie Paris Jr...beating the boy to death so he wouldn't be a "sissy." And the mother? She never called authorities to report the abuse, beause she was "scared someone would take her baby away."

``He was trying to teach him how to fight,'' said Shanita Powell, Nysheerah Paris' sister. ``He was concerned that the child might be gay.''




NUTBAG BULLY OF THE YEAR:
Rev. Fred Phelps


Now, there are so many reasons to dislike Phelps. His "God Hates Fags" website. His picketing of funerals of gay people, American soldiers killed in Iraq, and even the West Virginia miners who recently died in an explosion. All good, sound reasons. But this year, Phelps wasn't content to simply attack the dead...he wanted to bully elementary schoolgirls, too.

His Kansas-based evangelical group planned to picket Englesby Intermediate School after a 12-year-old student won a "Women In History" essay contest writing about openly gay comedienne Ellen DeGeneres. A flier produced by the group includes a photo of the school and a grotesque devil. The diatribe attacks the staff, labeling it a “homo-fascist regime,” among other things. No word as to whether or not he demanded the child's lunch money, too.



NUTBAG GRAVE ROBBER OF THE YEAR:
The unidentified thieves of the bones of "Masterpiece Theater" host Alistair Cooke

I usually don't give Nutbag Awards to nameless persons...but these jerks so plainly deserve it.



NUTBAG HOMOPHOBE OF THE YEAR:
Gerald Allen


Republican Alabama lawmaker Gerald Allen says homosexuality is an unacceptable lifestyle. Under his bill, public school libraries could no longer buy new copies of plays or books by gay authors, or about gay characters.

"I don't look at it as censorship," says State Representative Gerald Allen. "I look at it as protecting the hearts and souls and minds of our children."



HOW THE NUTBAG STOLE CHRISTMAS AWARD:
Ransford George Perry


Perry, a Wal-Mart Santa Claus, was arrested for allegedly exposing himself to a 15-year-old boy and attempting to have the boy engage in oral sex with him at his home. Mrs. Claus was unavailable for comment.



AUCTION NUTBAG OF THE YEAR:
Terri Ilagan


For legally changing her name to GoldenPalace.com to the tune of $15,199 after an online auction...this mother of five takes the cake. Or the fortune cookie. Or what have you.



NUTBAG HAS-BEEN OF THE YEAR:
Gary Glitter


Former British glam rocker Gary Glitter was formally charged with committing obscene acts with two girls aged 10 and 11 at a Vietnamese resort town. Glitter, 61, who won fame as a flamboyant glam rocker in the 1970s, is accused of kissing and engaging in other physical acts with the girls at his rental home in the southern coastal town of Vung Tau.



NUTBAG GRIM REAPER AWARD:
Randall Terry


You remember Mr. Terry...he's the force behind the media circus that became the last days of Terri Schiavo's life. But he's not through yet, folks. Now he wants to make sure that NO ONE can die with dignity...even those who have left specific written instructions. He's backing legislation currently before the Wisconsin Senate that allows doctors, nurses, pharmacists and other medical personnel who morally disagree with the guidelines regarding feeding and hydration tubes to ignore living wills and advance directives. Because after all, when you are in pain and dying...the medical staff's feelings should be your first consideration.



THE EBENEEZER SCROOGE NUTBAG OF THE YEAR AWARD:
Alisher71


Many people looking for a good deal on the holiday's hottest items turned to eBay and found...one hell of a scam artist. Meet Alisher71, who to date has swindled eBayers of more than $130,000. Bah humbug.



NUTBAG AUTHORS OF THE YEAR:
Daniel Rosenberg & Richard Kirshenbaum,
authors of Closing the Deal: Two Married Guys Take You from Single Miss to Wedded Bliss.

By treating marriage like a lottery and women like cattle, these guys are on a two-man mission to bring back the 1950's. Read my post on these nutbags here.



NUTBAG MANAGER OF THE YEAR:
Unnamed Manager of Loews Theater in Wallkill


Seven-year-old Anthony Pratti, who has cerebal palsy and autism, was thrown out of a matinee showing of the G-rated documentary "March of the Penguins" for laughing too loud.

Anthony, who uses a wheelchair, was with his parents, his sister and his grandmother at the Loews Cineplex theaters in the Galleria at Crystal Run when the incident occured. The family sat in the wheelchair section provided by the theater. Anthony was having a good time, said his mom, Gina Pratti. "He was laughing, but he really wasn't much louder than any of the other kids," she said. About 15 minutes into the film, one of the theater's managers approached the family, and told them Anthony was laughing too loud. They offered to try to quiet him, but the manager brusquely told them the boy had to go. Outraged, the family followed the manager to the lobby, where they were told they all didn't have to leave – just the boy in the wheelchair.

"I said to him, what are we supposed to do, wheel him outside and leave him there?" she said.



NUTBAG EMPLOYEE OF THE YEAR:
Dean Wooten


Wooten, a 65-year-old Wal-Mart greeter, was fired for welcoming customers with a computer-generated photograph of himself wearing nothing but a plastic Wal-Mart sack.

Wooten applied for unemployment, but a judge ruled that "a reasonable person would know the act of showing a naked body wearing a Wal-Mart sack would not be good for the employer's business."



NUTBAG WEATHER FORECASTER OF THE YEAR:
Michelle Kosinski, the "Today" show


During a live shot about rising waters in Wayne, N.J., reporter Michelle Kosinski appeared in a canoe on a suburban street – attempting to dramatize the severity of the flooding disaster.

A few seconds after she went live, however, a pair of men walked in front of the camera – the waters barely covering the tops of their boots. Oops.



NUTBAG BRIDE-TO-BE OF THE YEAR:
Jennifer Wilbanks


Georgia's Jennifer Wilbanks, better known as the "Runaway Bride," disappeared just before her wedding, hopped on a bus to Las Vegas, and turned up days later in Albuquerque, falsely claiming to have been kidnapped. A media circus ensued.

Many speculated cold feet was to blame, which Jennifer denied.

"I had a host of compelling issues which seemed out of control," she said.
Obviously.



NUTBAG IN NEED OF A SEXUAL-HARASSMENT SEMINAR:
Saeed Akbar


Glasgow Sheriff Court was told that Saeed Akbar, a manager at an interpreting and translation company, "had wanted a bit of excitement". And he sought it, while conducting an interview with a potential employee. Akbar, 35, left the interview room and came back in to speak to his female victim naked and clutching a clipboard.
When the job candidate refused to strip as well, he put his clothes on and attempted to continue the interview as normal, the court was told. The woman, however, fled and contacted police.

Akbar, from Fife, said: "I wanted a bit of excitement that afternoon, that's purely all it was."

He initially told police his strip was a consensual "role play" as part of his "tough interviewing technique".
I'd hate to see how he handles terminations....



NUTBAG PEEPING TOM OF THE YEAR:
Larry Gold


Lawyer Larry Gold says he installed a minicamera in the bathroom at his law office, where his three female secretaries work, to "catch people smoking pot."

Instead, the camera caught a secretary using the toilet. She spotted the camera and went to the police. They charged Gold, a lawyer since 1989, with three counts of unlawful surveillance, a felony.



WHEN NUTBAGS ATTACK AWARD:
Lorlie M. Gatenbein


This Idaho woman was charged with felony injury to a child after dousing a 2-month-old baby girl with pepper spray while feuding with the infant's family in a Wal-Mart.

Gantenbein in a telephone interview on Wednesday denied using the pepper spray. She said her 16-year-old daughter used the spray, but did so in "self-defense." The baby has not been charged with assualting anyone in the Gantenbein family.



NUTBAG RACIST OF THE YEAR:
Judge Barry Tatum


Meet Wilson County, Tennessee Family Court Judge Barry Tatum, who is fond of telling immigrant mothers who appear in his court to "learn English or else."

Take a recent case involving a woman from Oaxaca, Mexico, who had been brought before Judge Tatum after she'd refused to immunize her kids or show up for Children's Services appointments. At the custody hearing, Judge Tatum instructed the mother to learn English and use birth control.

Tatum made another such order to a Mexican woman appearing before him on charges of child neglect. He set a court date for six months, denying her request for counseling and instructing the woman to learn to "speak English at a fourth-grade level" by that time or lose custody of her daughter, according to the woman's attorney, Jerry Gonzalez. He's made such orders at least five other times. Gonzalez said the judge was setting the mother up for failure. "She probably doesn't have a sixth-grade education. I daresay the judge himself, an educated man, could not learn to speak Spanish to a fourth-grade level in six months," Gonzalez said. "He gave her an impossible task."



NUTBAG BABYSITTER OF THE YEAR:
Juan Reyes


37-year-old Reyes was charged with child endangerment after one of two toddlers he was baby-sitting was found drunk, authorities said. Deputies peered through the window of a New York home and found the extremely intoxicated Reyes passed out with the two children, ages 2 and 3, wandering around the house. He was the only adult in the home.

The deputies also noticed the 2-year-old was having difficulty standing, had bloodshot eyes, smelled of alcohol and was lethargic.

The toddler was taken to the hospital, where tests revealed he was legally intoxicated, with a blood-alcohol content of 0.094 percent, the sheriff's office said. In New York, a driver is considered drunk with an alcohol content of 0.08 percent or greater.

At the time, the children's parents were at a hospital, where the mother was giving birth.



MORNING TELEVISION NUTBAGS OF THE YEAR:
The Hosts of "The View"


"The View" isn't fond of breastfeeding...and they're happy to let everyone know it. Barbara Walters seems to lead the pack in this: she has complained about being seated near a nursing mom on a plane and commented that "you can't breastfeed triplets," which came as a pretty big shock to the thousands of moms breastfeeding multiples (including triplets) every day. Star Jones added, "That's not what breasts are for!" "Disgusting" is another term the ladies on this show have used to describe nursing, they've called members of La Leche League "nuts" and applauded fellow commentator Elizabeth when she gave up nursing after only one month.

A nurse-in was held in front of ABC studios to protest the anti-breastfeeding comments. Instead of apologizing, or even conceding that her statements may have offended some people...Barbara Walters chastised the women for "making a big deal out of a little comment." This is the same woman, you'll note, who makes people cry on national television for "little comments" for a living.

In response to the nurse-in, the ladies at "The View" agreed to address the issue in an upcoming show...but decided to talk about Madonna instead.



NUTBAG CON CARNE:
Anna Ayala


Ayala claimed to have found a finger in a bowl of Wendy's chili in San Jose. Turns out it was a hoax, and and the finger came from a deceased relative. The the scam cost the fast-food chain millions, and made people all over America quesy. Bon appetit.


SEXIST NUTBAG OF THE YEAR:
Larry Summers


Harvard president Summers said women might not have the "genes for science" and caused such an outcry, he's been forced to try to make up for his sexist rubbish with tenure offers, study commissions and millions in recruitment funds.



NUTBAG DEFENDANT OF THE YEAR:
Michael Jackson


He dances on the roof of his SUV outside the courthouse and wears pajamas inside it. Remember when people thought the term "Wacko Jacko" was a bit harsh?



NUTBAG DIVORCE COURT JUDGE OF THE YEAR:
Paul A. Bastine


In Seattle, Shawnna J. Hughes was granted a divorce. But barely a week later, the 27-year-old medical assistant was back before a judge, who rescinded the order after learning Hughes was pregnant by another man.

"Not only is it the policy of this court, it is the policy of the state that you cannot dissolve a marriage when one of the parties is pregnant," Superior Court Judge Paul A. Bastine told Hughes.

Experts said there was no blanket prohibition in the laws of this or any other state against pregnant women getting divorced; several Seattle-area family law practitioners said that they had obtained divorces for pregnant clients. "I cannot think of any policy that would require this woman to stay married to a person who was in prison for abusing her," said Carol Bruch, a law professor at UC Davis.

Further roiling controversy in the case, Bastine told Shawnna Hughes that she had forced a prolongation of her marriage on herself with the "intentional act" of getting pregnant.

"You have created the situation by your own actions that delay your opportunity to dissolve your marriage," he said in the hearing.



NUTBAG FAMILY COURT JUDGE OF THE YEAR:
Cale J. Bradford


An Indianapolis father is appealing a Marion County judge's unusual order that prohibits him and his ex-wife from exposing their child to "non-mainstream religious beliefs and rituals." The parents practice Wicca, a contemporary pagan religion that emphasizes a balance in nature and reverence for the earth.

Cale J. Bradford, chief judge of the Marion Superior Court, kept the unusual provision in the couple's divorce decree last year over their fierce objections, court records show. The court failed to explain how exposing the boy to Wicca's beliefs and practices would harm him.



NUTBAG FOOT-IN-MOUTH AWARD:
President George W. Bush


"Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job."

U.S. President George W. Bush to Federal Emergency Management Agency chief Michael Brown, during his first visit to the region devastated by hurricane Katrina. Brown was later blamed for the federal government's inadequate response to the hurricane.




AND THE WINNER OF THE NUTBAG
OF THE YEAR AWARD FOR 2005 IS....



TOM CRUISE!



Could there be any doubt as to WHY Mr. Cruise deserves this accolade? He's been a busy little nut all year long: from jumping on Oprah's coach and sucking face with his girlfriend, Katie Holmes, whenever a camera is in the vicinity to calling interviewers "glib" and telling them to "put their manners back in," he's been the nut to end all nuts these past twelve months. And then there's his attacks on Brooke Sheilds and anti-depressants, the creepy Scientology weirdo he has following pregnant Katie around, the completely psycho reaction to being squirted in the face with a toy microphone and the sonogram he bought for "home use." Yes, Tom...we all loved you when you danced around in your underwear or were telling us we complete you. But now? We really, really wish you'd stop jumping on couches and consider lying down on one.





Thanks to everyone who has made this list possible...YOU'RE ALL NUTS!

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3 Comments:

At 6:42 PM, Blogger Angel said...

As I was reading, I was wondering where Tom Cruise was going to fit in LOL.

And that Ebay seller, YIKES!

 
At 10:18 AM, Blogger amanda said...

your blog is absolutely the BEST!!! Yhankx for always putting a smile on my face!!!

 
At 11:42 PM, Blogger Pixie LaRouge said...

Thanks for bringing together all the best of the country's worst

That's a big bag o' nuts!

 

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