Now I've Seen It All: Fun with John Thomas
The first is a news story that shows that Frosty isn't the only male thing you can make out of snow. And note how much fun the author of this article had with his, uh, subject matter. Be sure to click on the link for the pictures:
Police whack giant snow penis
By John Doherty
New Windsor - What, some might ask Jessica Sherer, is with the giant snow penis she built on her boyfriend's lawn this week?
As everyone knows, phallic displays were central to Viking winter solstice celebrations of fertility and rebirth.
But down on Quassaick Avenue, around the corner from the New Windsor Elementary School, the 6-foot tall, anatomically correct, finely detailed penis raised some questions Monday.
Especially for police.
"We got some calls that people thought it was offensive," said New Windsor police Chief Michael Biasotti. "We assumed it was some kids who did it."
Officers found no one home. Assuming the snow sculpture was more prank than nod to Christmas' pagan roots, the police knocked it down. Beat it down with shovels, actually.
"We came back around 11 in the morning, and it was just a pile of snow," recalled Sherer, 19. "Just some shovel marks."
Sherer, um, erected the statue with her boyfriend and another friend Sunday. She said she was surprised to hear some neighbors took offense.
Motorists honked their approval, and people walking by pointed and laughed, she said.
"People were waving and laughing," she said. "It was pretty funny."
No citations or criminal violations will be issued for the display, Biasotti said. The town codes prohibit lewd signs on businesses, but don't mention anything about public snow sculptures.
"We probably weren't 100 percent correct in going on the property and knocking it down," New Windsor Town Supervisor George Meyers said. "But our intentions were pure. Some people were offended. There are school buses going by there all day."
The last two nights of freezing weather has made the snow too stiff to sculpt, said Sherer. But she intends to rebuild.
"In a couple of days, Thursday or Friday, after it gets a little warmer," she promises.
Police and town officials aren't sure what their move will be.
"I'd want the police to talk to the property owner if we got complaints, ask them to take it down" Meyers said. "But after that, I don't think there's too much we can do."
Biasotti worries the display might give others ideas. "Now we're going to get snow penises popping up all over town," he said.
This next link is not for the faint-of-heart. Now, don't get me wrong: I love dragons. I love tattoos. I love piercings. But this guy has gone just a tad bit too far, don'tcha think?
Puff the Magic Trouser Snake
As my subject line reads....now I really have seen it all....