Friday, October 01, 2004

Dead Man's Party, Photo Hell & Jonathan's Birthday

There are times when you find the weirest, creepiest stories in your local paper. Like this one I found today while feasting at IHOP: Dwelling Among the Dead. I've lived here eight years, and had no idea that: A) 10-15 people die here every day, B) the morgue only has room for 5 of those bodies and C) there is an apartment above the morgue, rent-free, for college students, provided they answer the phone and door at night. Of course now, they are getting booted out of their glamorous, Nightmare-On-Elm-Street penthouse (a new morgue has been built, sans apartment). I have a few questions that this article brings to mind:

1) Who would want to live above a morgue? Even if it is free?
2) How big is this apartment? The article says five guys have been living there.
3) Isn't it discriminatory to only rent to Mormons, as they "don't party" so much? 4) In a county this big, we are only now getting an answering service for the morgue?
5) If the morgue only holds 5 bodies, and 10-15 die every day, where were they putting the "overflow" dead?
6) Didn't it SMELL in there????
7) Can you imagine trying to bring a girl home? "Hey, baby, I live amongst the no longer living." I suppose there are a few, trying-too-hard-to-be-goth-chicks who might find that appealling...but wouldn't most girls just be completely grossed out?
8) Were the bodies of murdered or suspicious-death people there as well? Wouldn't any good lawyer, knowing this, be able to claim that the college boys could very well have tampered with any evidence on those bodies, as they had free access to the morgue and were actually expected to open the door to let "new" bodies in? (Yes, I watch too much Law & Order)
9) Wouldn't it be depressing to live, constantly surrounded by death?
10) Didn't it SMELL in there???? (Yes, I know I already asked bares repeating).
Moving on.....

Today is my husband Jonathan's 30th birthday. He is always in a bad mood on his birthday, and the fact that he has to work a double-shift to cover for his always-vacationing-boss isn't going to help. He got yesterday off, so we attempted to make a nice day of it.

First, we went to get Eden's one-year birthday photos taken. There is a new digital system at Sears portraits, and only one guy seemed to know how to work anything involving the new system. The first shot was great....I was ready to quit. But the photographer insisted they needed at least three shots. She then suggested we lay Eden down on her tummy for a photo. "That's a bad idea, she hates being on her stomach," I told her. She insisted....I should have listened to my instincts. Being on her stomach pissed the baby off so much, she cried through all five of the next shots (they kept trying, thinking she'd stop crying). Why do these idiots think they know your kids better than you do? "Oh, all kids loving being on their tummies looking into the mirror!" Really? Not mine, moron. We ended up choosing the package from that first shot...the one I was ready to quit after anyway. I had a coupon (yes, I'm cheap) and knew from the moment I walked in there what I wanted: the coupon package, plus an additional sheet of wallets (8 just isn't enough for our families). First Miss-All-Babies-Love-Tummy-Time tries to get me to buy more photos. She even tried to get me to buy photos of Eden screaming. "Oh, I love baby crying pictures...they're a must-have!" What? Who wants to spend that kind of money for pictures of their child freaking out? I had to repeat, over and over, "No, we just want the first shot, package plus wallets." It was as if she didn't even hear me: "Oh, let me show you one more thing...look at this calendar! Isn't it cute?" Is it in the package, lady? No? Then I don't want the fucking thing. This, on top of being kept waiting for a half an hour before the photos were taken, due to the fucked-up new system, and then 20 minutes after for the same reason, and 10 minutes waiting for Miss Tummy Time to stop eating a croissant and notice that the system had been fixed and we're now waiting for her to bother to come over and sell us the damned package we came in here for. Then we were told two different things: yes, we can still order photos off the Internet (from Tummy's assistant), and no, we can't order them (from Tummy herself). I went to the website...and it sure looks like you can still order them there. Look, I know you want a commission....but why lie to me? Especially when it's so easily verified that you're lying? Ridiculous.

Anyway, after the Photo Hell experience, we went to IHOP. Jonathan LOVES IHOP. I think the food is passable at best. But Jonathan likes it because: A) all three kids will eat there without a fight, which granted is a nice and rare thing, and B) we get a discount, so it's cheap.
Jonathan LOVES to save money. So we ate there....the baby made a huge mess with her eggs, as always. As a nice surprise, the birthday present I'd ordered for Jonathan was waiting for us when we came home. I didn't think it would get here on time; I am glad it did. I'll be making him a cake in a few hours (he hates store-bought cakes). Hopefully, work will go smoothly and he'll have a great birthday. I hope so....I really, really love that man. He deserves a great 30th birthday.


At 2:43 PM, Blogger incognita said...

i'da clocked miss tummy time.
bet you would have bought that picture...

At 2:08 AM, Blogger Zen Angel said...

LOL! You're right. I not only would've bought it...I'd've kept it in my billfold!


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