Friday, November 12, 2004

Bob Jones is Making Me Sick

Just to prove that it's not too late to throw your hat into the running for THE ZEN PRETZEL TRICK'S NUTBAG OF THE YEAR AWARDS, Bob Jones releases this disgusting diatribe upon the public:

Congratulatory letter to President George W. Bush from Dr. Bob Jones III

I, naturally, have a few things to say about this piece of utter tripe. Listed below are some quotes from the letter:

1) "The media tells us that you have received the largest number of popular votes of any president in America's history. Congratulations!" Yes, he received the "largest number of votes in America's history," simply because more people voted this year. Bush won by the narrowest margin since Hoover. He BARELY won this's amazing how many people can't wrap their minds around that very basic fact. Perhaps math and history are not their subjects....

2) "In your re-election, God has graciously granted America—though she doesn't deserve it—a reprieve from the agenda of paganism." This makes me physically sick to my stomach. First of all, America "doesn't deserve" this "reprieve"? What does that mean, oh Nutbag Bob? Is this a Fallwell-ish diatribe on how evil of a country we are, thanks to feminism and Roe v. Wade? What garbage. Secondly, I wasn't aware that there WAS a "pagan agenda." Unlike fundies, they don't try to legislate thier beliefs. They'll fight for the right to well they should. And I, as an American Christian, will be fighting along side them. It disgusts me that nutbags like Bob Jones want to spit on the memories and intentions of the Founding Fathers by forcing Christianity on the masses. And this "agenda of pagans" crap is nothing but bigotry, plain and simple. I don't know about Bob's God, but mine doesn't hold with that. Mine was big on loving everyone....not just those who are exactly like you are. Oh, and for the record: "re-election" would mean that he had been elected before. And I'm sure you know, he was not....

3) "We the people expect your voice to be like the clear and certain sound of a trumpet." Would that be the same voice that asked the government of Brazil, "Oh, you have black people, too?" Or would it be the same voice that got drunk and threatened a reporter, screaming obsenities all the while, who dared say that Bush Sr. might not get the Republican nomination back in the dear ol' 80's? Or is it the one that announced that the leader of the free will "often" goes to sleep thinking about Dr. Suess' "Hop on Pop?" Guess so. Who knew trumpets were that stupid?

4) "Because you seek the Lord daily, we who know the Lord will follow that kind of voice eagerly." Arrogance at its worst, the idea that he can speak for all Christians and God-fearing people in this country. I am pleased as punch to say that he DOESN'T.

5) "Don't equivocate. Put your agenda on the front burner and let it boil." That's what scares me most: that he might take ol' Bob's advice on this one. And by the way, why is Bush's agenda fit for the "front burner," and the so-called pagan agenda one that must be overcome?

6) "You owe the liberals nothing. They despise you because they despise your Christ." I am also thrilled to say that Nutbag Bob doesn't speak for liberals in this country, either. I don't despise Christ; he is my Saviour. And I don't despise Bush because he's a Christian...I despise him because he's a war-happy moron who is leading this country straight down the toilet and waiting, laughing maniacally all the way, to flush it down.

7) "Undoubtedly, you will have opportunity to appoint many conservative judges and exercise forceful leadership with the Congress in passing legislation that is defined by biblical norm regarding the family, sexuality, sanctity of life, religious freedom, freedom of speech, and limited government." Many? When was it last that a President appointed "many" judges? The President appoints Supreme Court justices...and rarely more than one. Most of the current justices don't look as if they plan to go anywhere...and I strongly suspect that a few who were considering retirement are re-considering it now that Shrub has been elected. Also, judges don't pass legislation with Congress...they are two seperate branches of government. And the Supreme Court has been pretty firm about NOT upholding Biblical standards over Constitutional ones, despite whatever wet dreams Nutbag Bob is having about the possibility. Thier job is not to judge via any religion's holy book. The last two words are what made me laugh...."limited government"? You want the government to tell a woman what she can and cannot do with her body, who can and cannot get married and who can say what and when, but that's LIMITING the government? Get a dictionary, Nutbag Bob, 'cause I don't think you understand the meaning of the word.

8) "If you have weaklings around you who do not share your biblical values, shed yourself of them." In other words: Yeah, don't let any nasty Jews, Muslims or Pagans take part in the government! They're all weak, I tell ya! Weak! Make your government an exclusively WASP one! And while you're at it, get rid of the blacks and Asians, too....oh, oops! That would make my bigotry all too obvious....

9) "On occasion, Christians have not agreed with things you said during your first term. Nonetheless, we could not be more thankful that God has given you four more years to serve Him in the White House..." Do me a favor, Nutbag Bob....don't speak for all Christians. You don't have the authority, the ability or (quite frankly) the intelligence. And don't blame God on Bush's win....He didn't vote. Put the blame squarely where it belongs: on chauvinstic, homophobic, racist, pedantic, sick bastards like yourself.

God bless America.


At 11:47 AM, Blogger tbone said...

Right on! As I someone defined as a "little Christ" , I really have many problems with Bob Jones narrow view on faith and his congratulating this "opportunity based faith" President, who only explores the philosophies of Jesus that are convenient for him. I agree with you completely.


At 6:44 PM, Blogger Pixie LaRouge said...

Thank you for this. I've been trying to figure out just your comebacks to these comments that I've actually heard from my family. So far, all I've managed is a few vowel sounds, a bit of choking, then I have to go lie down. It's so nice to know that I really am not THAT odd, being a Christian and a *gasp* Liberal.

At 7:04 AM, Blogger JoeMama said...

I enjoyed your comments, but you should know that the President appoints all federal judges, not just the Justices who sit on the US Supreme Court.

Makes the prospect of another four years even more frightening.

At 4:05 AM, Blogger Becca said...

Imagine having to live in the same state as this man. Imagine your in-laws living in the same city as him. Imagine your in-laws agreeing with most of what he says. Imagine having to spend Thanksgiving with them! Welcome to my hell. :)


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