Happy Halloween 2004!

I love Halloween. Always have. Of course, I'm a lot like the Ministry song, "Everyday is Halloween." The only really bittersweet moment on this holiday, for me, comes as I remember that my mother's second, ill-fated marriage took place on Halloween. My mother had a great sense of humor. She used to call me "Daughter of Darkness"; I called her "Mommie Dearest."

Anywoo, I thought that 'tis the season, I would share a ghost story with you.

July of 1998 was a very, very hard time for me. My mother had died, and while I was in Ohio at her deathbed, the apartment complex we were living in was sold and our lease terminated. My husband literally had just days to find a new place for us to live, and with me in Ohio and him working many hours and caring for two kids...it wasn't easy.

When I got back from Ohio and saw the new apartment...I instantly hated it. Loathed it. Despised it. And as soon as I walked in the door...the hair on the back of my neck stood up. This was not a good feeling, and this was not a good place. Looking back, I can't believe we lived there for four years.

We heard the ghost sometime during that first month we were there. We heard what sounded like a baby crying in the hallway. At first, I thought it was our daughter, Serenity, who was two years old at the time. I went to check on her...and she was fast asleep. I assumed one of our neighbors had a colicky or teething baby...on reflection, the crying did sound like it came from an infant, not a toddler like Serenity.

We heard this crying several times a week, usually at night. It was very loud and very distinct. We began to worry that one of our neighbors was neglecting or abusing their child. We asked around...but none of our neighbors had a baby. None of them babysat a baby. And none of them had heard the crying.

We thought maybe it was all in our heads...until we went to Ohio to visit my in-laws, and the housesitter reported hearing a baby crying loudly in the apartment. Later, when my sister came to stay with us for a short while (what a nightmare that was, in and of itself), she also heard the crying. Most of our friends heard the Baby Ghost at some point or another, crying in the hall. Most of our neighbors moved over the years...we rarely had the same neighbors for longer than a few months. And yet, the Baby Ghost remained...clearly, not a child belonging to any of the other occupants of the complex.

We weren't afraid of the ghost, and we never actually SAW anything. Mostly, I felt pity for this child. And I wondered, who had left this baby to cry like that? Had the baby died of neglect or abuse? It was all so sad.

One year into our tennancy there, Jonathan and I decided to have another baby. We had never had trouble concieving before (we got pregnant with Serenity within a month of my going off birth control), and there was no history of infertility in either family, so we didn't anticipate any problems. But try as we might...we could not get pregnant. The doctors could find no reason for my inability to concieve. It seems to me, looking back, that after we decided to try for another baby, we were visited more and more often by the ghost.

I got pregnant with Eden only months after we moved out of the apartment. Coincidence? Who knows. Perhaps it was. Or perhaps the Baby Ghost did not want any more babies to live---or die---in that apartment.....


I hope everyone has a happy and safe Halloween!



I leave you now with the lyrics to Ministry's "Everyday is Halloween":



well I live with snakes and lizards
and other things that go bump in the night
cos to me everyday is halloween
I have given up hiding and started to fight
I have started to fight
well any time, any place, anywhere that I go
all the people seem to stop and stare
they say 'why are you dressed like it's halloween?
you look so absurd, you look so obscene'
o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world
well I let their teeny minds think
that they're dealing with someone who is over the brink
and I dress this way just to keep them at bay
cos halloween is everyday
it's everyday
o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
it's the same, it's the same in the whole wide world
o, why can't I live a life for me?
why should I take the abuse that's served?
why can't they see they're just like me
i'm not the one that's so absurd
why hide it?
why fight it?
hurt feelings
best to stop feeling hurt
from denials, reprisals
it's the same it's the same in the whole wide world