Mother's Day...From a Mother Without One

First off, I want to wish all moms a Happy Mother's Day.

Am I having one, though? Not particularly.

It's not because I'm not a mom---I have three great kids. And it's not because I don't like the holiday itself---I do.

It's because my mother is gone.

My mother and I were very, very close. My mother was a homebody, not unlike my husband in that way. She didn't often go out, but every Mother's Day, we would go out to dinner. Afterwards, we'd go back to her house for dessert and a nice evening just sitting and talking. When I became a mother in 1993, the holiday became doubly special for the two of us. That was the first year she got to buy a Mother's Day card for me...I had just been released from the hospital with my tiny, newborn son. We stayed in that year, in deference to my barely being able to walk (not only had I just given birth for the first time...I was passing kidney stones...ouch!). It was one of the best Mother's Days ever, though. A day to cherish.

In July 1998, my mother lost her battle with breast cancer. She had turned 44 two days prior. Her loss devastated me. She was buried the day before I turned 24.

From that day on---neither my own birthday, nor Mother's Day, have been completely happy days for me. "Bittersweet" is probably the best term for it...I am happy to be a mother, happy to be alive...but underlying that is the feeling of loss that my mother is no longer there to share these special days with me.

To compound this is the fact that I live so far away, that I cannot go to the cemetary to lay flowers down for Mother's Day. Having someone else do it for me is just not the same to me. Two years ago, I was in town for Mother's Day, and was glad I could make the trip. Although I cried...it somehow made me feel better. I could still give my mother flowers for Mother's Day.

So, here's to all the moms out there who, like me, celebrate this holiday with tears and with joy. It's a day to not only remember our own roles as mothers, and the great happiness that role has brought to our lives...but to remember those past Mother's Days spent with the women whom we were privileged to call "Mom." May we never forget those holidays, and strive to keep those memories alive...for our mothers, our children...and ourselves.

Happy Mother's Day.


Kind & Generous

You've been so kind and generous
I don't know how you keep on giving
For your kindness, I'm in debt to you
For your selflessness, my admiration
For everything you've done, you know I'm bound
I'm bound to thank you for it

You've been so kind and generous
I don't know how you keep on giving
For your kindness, I'm in debt to you
And I never could have come, this far without you
For everything you've done, you know I'm bound
I'm bound to thank you for it

Oh, I want to thank you for so many gifts you gave
The love, the tenderness, I wanna thank you
I want to thank you for your generosity, the love
And the honesty that you gave me
I want to thank you show my gratitude
My love, and my respect for you, I want to thank you

Oh, I want to thank you, thank you; thank you, thank you
I want to thank you, thank you; thank you, thank you


---Natalie Merchant