Tuesday, November 30, 2004

I Hate Pain

I don't know why my trigeminal neuralgia has decided that my ass must be kicked....but haven't I had enough? Where's the referee?

I've been in the hospital three times in the past week. I've had three shots: Demerol, Dualidid, Morphine. My arms are sore from the injections. And still, the pain comes back, just as strong as ever. Usually, all I need is a single shot of Toradol, and it breaks the cycle. I don't even need to consider narcotics. But this time? Even the morphine wore off in less than three hours.

I can't sleep; who could sleep through this? It feels like I am being struck by lightening in my face, over and over again without cease. I can't eat, because I can barely open my mouth. My doctor increased my Vicoden today from 500's to 750's....it's making absolutely no difference at all. I'm going to have to go back to the hospital today, I can just tell.

The weird thing about chronic pain is what it does to you mentally, not just physically. I am mentally exhausted. It's odd. I just need a full night's sleep so bad, I can't stand it. Blogging actually helps; it gives me an outlet. It makes me feel better somehow, although I'm at a loss to explain just what it is about bitching to strangers that helps.

Prayers, glows, hugs...all are appreciated. Pray that this cycle of pain ends so I can have a much-needed break. And if you've read this....thank you.

18 Comments:

At 5:20 PM, Blogger Fizz said...

ah, my dear sweet friend... i truly wish a sprinkling of faerie dust could eliminate the discomfort you have been experiencing. fortunately i know firsthand--unlike some who read this blog (and so i must assure those who fit that category)--how amazing and capable you are. and that, though mentally weary and thoroughly agitated, this too shall pass and soon you'll have less cumbersome things to bitch about. i love you, girl...

 
At 6:36 AM, Blogger Zen Angel said...

I love you, too, Fizz.....


....you are a true friend and a rare find.

 
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