Ah, Pain & Insomnia: The Bitches Are Back

I'm not sure why, but the trigeminal neuralgia has been unusually ballbreaking this past week. These bouts used to be common before the methadone, but I've only had a handful of them since. I'm pretty proud of the fact that I haven't had to go to the ER for TN pain alone for almost four years.

The methadone has been such a blessing in my life. Before, I was hardly living. All day, every day, was constant, excrutiating pain. I understand torture, how it wears you down physically and emotionally. I lived it. And I don't want to go back.

Maybe it's time I increased my Oxycodone for breakthrough pain. I haven't slept more than four hours in the past two days, and there doesn't seem to be an end in sight. I haven't had to increase my Oxycodone in almost six years. I'm very wary of my tolerance level and of increasing my pain meds, but I can't bear the idea of my life going back to the way things used to be. Maybe I'm being over-cautious. It took me six years for the Vicoden to stop working and for me to have to step it up to Extra-Strengths, and then to Oxycodone. Maybe six is the magic number in my tolerance. I hope not; the reason I'm wary is that there are only so many pain options out there. I'm only 36, and I'll be on pain meds for the rest of my life. If I go through my options too fast, I'll be left out of options. And that is a concept not even worth considering.

And then there is the possibility that all this is just the usual changing-of-the-seasons MS calvacade of crap, and if I just hold on for a few weeks, it will pass.

And so I come to a decision: if I'm still having this much trouble one month from today, I'll make an appointment and discuss this with my doctor. Perhaps I need to go to a pain management clinic now, maybe there are other options I don't even know about. And I won't know, until I ask.

One month...