VH-1 Weirdness: "Double Dutch"

I admit it: I watch cheesy 80's videos on VH-1. I get nostalgic. So sue me. In my defense, it's often the only thing on during Eden's 3AM nursing.

I recognize most of the songs, if not the videos. But two or three times now, VH-1 has chosen to play one I've never heard of. A weird, bizarre, freakish video best left collecting dust on the back shelves.

The video? Malcolm MacLaren's "Double Dutch."

This video appears to be dedicated to the double-dutch trend of the late 70's/early 80's. It has ol' Malcolm, dressed in some repugnant gym suit that looks like it came out of Bizarro Richard Simmons' closet, surrounded by a large group of young girls in sports uniforms and knee socks. They are, naturally, jumping rope double-dutch style.

Now, let's make one thing painfully clear: Malcolm MacLaren can't sing. He is incomprehensible. To make matters worse, the "musicians" singing the chorus are incomprehensible, too. So I used my old friend Google to try to discern some of the lyrics:


The five town diamond skippers
the pleasure of rope rippers
Those dark and lovely skippers
those five town diamond skippers.
Skip they do's the double dutch
that's them dancing.


I wish I hadn't asked. Also, the song apparently refers to the double-dutch girls repeatedy as "ebonettes," as well as "those dark and lovely skippers." YIKES! I'm not sure what an "ebonette" is exactly...but I doubt it's a very PC term. I'm surprised those "dark and lovely skippers" didn't kick his mangy ass.

Anyone who believes that old punk myth about Macolm being some sort of svengali need look no further for irrefutable proof that he is, in fact, no svengali at all. He couldn't possibly be.

Please, VH-1....take this out of circulation. Consider it a humanitarian effort.